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Dave’s Week -‘Ramon’ 

November 16, 2015

           In a world that’s definitely lost the plot at the moment, I like to immerse myself in things that make me laugh, or go ”Woooh’. Going ‘Wooooh’ in a public place can raise a few eyebrows, especially my local library, but who cares, life’s too lacking in ‘Woooh’s’ 🙂

           My first subject this week was the news that a Google driverless car was stopped in the USA for ‘going to slow’. Now, in America where even the speed limit for the Indianapolis 500 is 55mph, going too slow takes some doing. The policemans face when he sidled up to the car, tapped on the window, and said ‘Right, out of the car Sterling’ only to find a Google test driver asleep in the back (I exaggerate 🙃 ), must have been a picture. It reminded me of this……😂


“Google’s 23 self-driving cars have been involved in 14 minor traffic accidents on public roads,but Google maintains that in all cases the vehicle itself was not at fault because the cars were either being manually driven or the driver of another vehicle was at fault” 
              So, Google would have us believe that ALL the accidents involving the ‘driverless’ car were either because there was a human driver (what’s the point of that Googsy Baby? 🤔 ) or another driver didn’t see a white bubble car with a large knob on the top coming hurtling along at 25mph! Yeah right 🙄

 

 
                  

                   Now, I’m not a scaredy cat, but would you get in a car where the ‘driver’ had had 14 accidents during their driving career, and had no memory of them whatsover. 😬 Even better, the latest version of the car comes with no brakes or steering wheel. Given how often my Android apps crash, the odds on me sitting in a robotic car with no brakes are shortening by the second. I mean, if you’re going to be spending the entire journey crapping yourself in the back seat, I can’t see many volunteers. Especially when, at 25mph, the trip to Glasgow up the M74 will take most of November. ☺️

                    Google also stated the latest prototype had “not been tested in heavy rain or snow due to safety concerns”. 

                    Wait……news coming in that pre-orders sales in Scotland have just plummeted. 🤔

  
                     

                  Apparently the cars rely on a combination of Google street view, google maps and sheer luck to get you home. The old Android computer cannot ‘obey temporary traffic lights’. It also has difficulty identifying when objects, such as trash and light debris, are harmless, causing the vehicle to veer unnecessarily. Additionally, the radar technology cannot spot potholes, nor discern when humans, such as a police officer, are signaling the car to stop.

 I can imagine a nice blue one happening by Celtic Park after a game as 50,000 Celtic fans spill on to the streets……..
                

 ‘Go go go ya stupid thing…….’ 

                 ‘I’m sorry. I did not understand that last command. This vehicle is currently either surrounded by humans, green and white potholes or a policeman’

                 Those of us who use Siri on the iphone, and fans of the comedy Burnistoun,  will already know the problems with American software trying to understand a Scots accent………….. 😂.    

 I bet you’ve got the cheque book out already……

                 The notion of the British bumbling eccentric buffoon has been around for years. Many comedy films and tv series have placed a publicly educated stereotype in a starring role. Which neatly brings me to Boris Johnson…………this week the bungling eccentric MP, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (yes, that’s his real name 🙄 ) sparked outrage after mocking UK supporters of a trade boycott against Israel as ‘corduroy-jacketed, snaggletoothed, lefty academics’. This was just before he was due to spend five days touring Palestine. 🤔 Not surprisingly, it wasn’t long before the Palestinians were on the blower telling our master of diplomacy…… ‘not to bother coming’
 

Boris forgets his shorts 🙂

 

              It wouldn’t be so bad but it’s only a month ago he did this while playing non contact rugby with some little Japanese kids….  

                         http://youtu.be/HuIfwY_jzz8

              ……..and here’s our intrepid Boris ‘promoting Britain’ on a zipwire ☺️

                          http://youtu.be/oxDwxNcURTU

              ……… or the time he ‘helped’ volunteers clear a stream….. 🤔

                          http://youtu.be/6H3ytL0lh0U

              I’m beginning to think the voters of Uxbridge are the same ones that vote to keep the two left footed dancer in Strictly………… ☺️

              If you follow my Twitter account (stop laughing 😡 ) you’ll know one of my hashtags is #ScientistsHaveComeOan  – well, this week Scientists have come on tae warn of the issues of eating too many Skittles or Smarties……..

                

 

They’ve also come oan tae warn women who drink too much Prosecco of a night out can end up struggling to find the way home……..

  

and lastly, in the week that Michael Flately confirmed he puts paint on his feet, dances on a canvas and sells his pictures for hundreds of thousands of pounds….others are starting to get in on the act…..

  

I hope, with all the bad news, I’ve put a smile on your face. Keep laughing. It’s good for you 😄

Dave’s Week – ‘Ramon’ was brought to you by David Linden and Dodo Productions © 2015 You can follow me on Twitter @qosfc1919 or email me at davidlinden4@gmail.com 🤗🙃🤔😀

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From → Boris, Comedy, Google

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