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The 57 Millionth Best Blog In The World

December 26, 2014

‘Hi, my name is Tony Prezzario and I’m here to interview someone whose middle name is ‘Success’ with a capital Suss. Recently riding on the backbone of winning the title ‘The Fifty Seventh Millionth Best Blog in the World’, I am privileged to be here with Dave……..sorry, what’s your surname again?……..’

‘Linden….it’s Linden’

‘Hi Dave……..Linden, I’m pleased to meet you’

‘Hi, pleased to meet you too’

‘So, your blog was voted the fifty seventh millionth best in the world in the WordPress Global Blog Awards….. You must be pinching yourself’

‘Well, not so much pinching myself, but you’re nearly there……’

‘Where were you when you heard the news’

‘I think I was in the garden at the time’

‘Well, up until the announcement you were just an ordinary boring person, probably just mowing the lawn?’

‘No, I think I was……..just staring………’

‘Yeah, ok, staring……..right……..so what did you do when you realised what you’d achieved, break open the champagne….?’

‘I’m not sure….I think I continued on staring for a while, before going inside for my tea’

‘Gosh man, you are so laid back and cool, you didn’t celebrate at all?’

‘No’

‘Ok, so humble….. When did the phone start ringing with relatives and fans wanting to congratulate you?’

‘Well, funnily enough, the phone Did ring…..’

‘Who was first to pat the genius on the head…?’

‘No, it was the Sunday Times Wine Club with a special case of Brilliant Reds’

‘Ah…… Did you buy them to celebrate ☺️?’

‘No, much prefer fizzy white I’m afraid….’

‘So who are the people or relatives that have helped you achieve notoriety…your Mum, Dad?’

‘Well, my father was a submarine Commander, so I didn’t really see much of him’

‘What about Mum?’

‘Well, she was a submarine Commander as well, so she was also away for months at a time’

‘Gosh, so when did you guys get to see each other?!’

‘Well mainly at submarine conventions……’

‘Is it true the UK Prime Minister and President Obama, on hearing of your award said “Who?” ‘

‘I’m not sure about that, but I know David Cameron called Bob from the village to congratulate him’

‘Oh…..why did Bob get a phone call?’

‘Well, Bob writes a blog about his hobby, collecting paving slabs. It’s very good if you’re into that sort of thing. Not my cup of tea, but hey ho. Anyway, his blog was voted fifty sixth million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety ninth…….just ahead of mine. He puts more effort in than I do, so he deserves it.’

‘ You’ve had over 800 views of your blog since you started writing in March 2014, you must be over the moon with those sort of figures?’

‘Yes, especially since Bob’s ‘Paving The Way’ Blog has only had a couple of thousand. I mean, that suggests I’m not far away from critical mass…I’m certainly praying….’

‘The subjects of your stories vary quite a lot, one minute President Obama is running a basketball team, an old lady is going to a polling station, your local TAFTAS (Torthorwald Annual Film and Twitter Awards), two leaves talking to each other, a cat talking about it’s first visit to a vet, to your latest creations, how to carve the Xmas turkey and The Last Christmas Present, a tearjerker of a story with one of your famous creations, MadMalkie as the star. I have to say, if I’d managed to read beyond the first line, I think I’d have cried myself…….

…….. So on the back of unmitigated golden success, with the world at your feet, what’s next for the great writer of our times?’

‘Well, I might go back into the garden and stare for a while, then, who knows… There’s more Crane Intergalactic Hero – Voyage of Ineptitude to come, Pell of The Selgovae part 2, The Wedding…more TAFTAS, oh and have you heard of #teamtartan and The History Twins…?’

‘No’

‘Oh…….well there more of that to come too……so…….lots really……😳’

‘Ok, so thanks for your time Dave……..sorry what’s your surname again?………..oh yeah…….. London…….. Dave London, it’s been riveting meeting you…..So that’s it…..I’ve just spent time with the man who’s blog was voted 57 millionth best in the whole world, I’ve been Tony Prezzario for CBS News, Bye for now.

‘The 57 Millionth Best Blog in the World’was brought to you by @qosfc1919 and Dodo Productions © 2014

‘Excuse me…….how many blogs do WordPress have?’

’57 million……..’

‘Oh…… ‘

‘Yeah……see ya……’

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From → Blog Awards, Comedy

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