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Spike and the Trip to the Vet

June 22, 2014



There was a huge event in our household this week. Our cat had a skin problem in its sensitive area so, finally, for the first time ever, it would have to travel to the vets. Now, I don’t know about you, ( that’s BOTH of you I’m talking to 😊 ) but I hate going somewhere I don’t want to go. Now imagine how bad it would be to not even know you were going somewhere ‘not nice’, and what if Spike the cat could tell you about the trip through her eyes………

Ok ok, there is definitely something going on. Why are they being so furtive and even nicer than normal around me. Normally they feed me, give me yoghurt, let me sleep on several different rugs, chairs, laps, beds, open doors for me, shut doors, open doors, shut them again, bring mice in, leave said mice anywhere I want, not always in one piece, but today they are being even nicer. Well apart from the big grumpy one they call Dave. He’s just the same as usual. He bought me a nice box, which has a nice rug in it, and, sometimes I hide in it to keep cool. The very box that today everyone keeps looking at and pointing to.

‘Good girl Spikey, that’s your box?’

Yes, I know it’s my box. So what? There’s definitely something not right here when they’re pointing out the blatantly obvious.

‘Cmon wee yin get in.. Yesssss…….good girl’

No way sireee, I ain’t doing it, nope, nope no. Weirdness is happening here and getting in the box is the last thing I’m going to……..catnip……Nooooooooo…….don’t play the catnip trick on me……please…….I’m not getting in…….

Catnip, catnip, catnip, you purple and green shoot of loveliness, come ere……I lurv u…….lub lub lub u……..what……what’s going on?……. they’ve closed the door on me……nobody puts baby in the corner…….!
How could they? How could they do this to the one they love. I bet Grumpy Dave is behind this. He’s always playing tricks on everyone, thinks he’s really funny he does. Big smart arse. So, in a minute, he’ll open the door, let me out, there’ll be some laughter, some belly laughs and I can go back to sleeping somewhere quiet.

Ok funs over…..’let me out?’

Why is it no matter what I say it comes out as ‘Maeow’ sheesh………ok now the box is moving, earthquake, earthquake, everybody down! We’re on the move. I suppose that’s the best advice during an earthquake. Go outside and stand. Wait a minute. This is Scotland. We don’t get earthquakes here. Grumpy Dave is always droning on about Scotland being the safest place in the world. Well it’s not now ya big numpty, this is really happening, in Scotland….right now!

Ok, so why is everyone else so calm……..?

‘Whos a good girl….yaaeeeeesssss, good girl Spikey’

Oh, oh, they’re taking me to the blue metal dragon. I’ve seen it before. It eats Grumpy Dave every morning and only let’s him go at night. They’re opening one of its mouths and feeding me to it…..arrrrggh… cruel……..goodbye cruel world………catnip, catnip, catnip!

Arrrgghhhh, the blue metal dragon has eaten Fran and Kate as well. Fran is in the front fighting with a stick and a round thing trying to obviously save us. Oh no, the dragon is roaring and we’re moving.

‘Good girl Spikey, yaaeeeeesssss, what a good girl you are’

Good girl, I’m not a good girl, I’m a scared out my fur type of girl and I’m feline blue 😏

Where is the dragon taking us, I see the trees through the dragons eyes, they are running in the opposite direction. The world is ending. ‘Stop, stop it all now, I admit it, it wasn’t Grumpy Dave who knocked over your glass of wine last night, it was me, and the dead mouse was me, and the pawprints on the kitchen floor, look lock me away why don’t you……but save me from the Blue dragon and the…….we’ve stopped, I see a light…..oh. It’s changed, oh we’ve started again. What is this evil place…….we’ve stopped, I see a light……….oh……it’s changed again Β and we’re moving………What is all this, we keep stopping , lights flash, we go a little bit, stop. It’s madness.

Woah! What’s that. Giant metal dragons……..everywhere………arrrgghhhh………they hiss when they stop just like next doors evil cat.

‘You looking at the lorries Spikey…….good girl’

If she says ‘good girl’ once more………..Hopefully this is just a horrible dream from which I will wake up and find myself lying comfortably in my little PetsatHome ‘Heffen expensive bed’ as Grumpy Dave calls it.

Stopped again. Getting fe…..oh wait, we have escaped from the dragon!

Fran….did I ever tell you I love…….wope, going inside strange place……….

Wait a minute, what’s that……I smell dog, I definitely smell DOG! I SEE DOG, I CAN SEE DOGS PLURAL. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING. ok, I will stay as quiet as a mouse, oh the irony πŸ˜‰ I can see 4 dogs and a bird. The bird is talking. The bird is actually talking. Dog now barking, bird talking, now 2 dogs barking……catnip. catnip, catnip………..

Please let me wake up, my paws are sweating so much, I have four little pools on my blanket. Wope, we are moving again, away from the dogs and the bird that talks. The roof of my apartment is opening. Who’s that? What are u doing, leave me alone.

‘We think she might have fleas’

Who might have FLEAS. no way Jose…….FLEAS……. I’m the cleanest cat in the world, I shower morning noon and night. There is no way I have fleas.

‘Or maybe worms……’

WORMS……..RIGHT THAT’S IT……….. The is no way any worm is inside me! …..I only eat the best steak mince (don’t tell Grumpy Dave 😎), the best fish, and, ok maybe, Β the meeces and voles are not a good idea, but I don’t have WORMS!

‘Do you have a lot of visitors. Sometimes cats can be nervous around strangers, which can cause them to scratch an area’

Why are they talking as if I wasn’t here? Yeah, ok visitors, what can I say, little kids, noisy dogs, the postman, mowers, yaks, dodos, MadMalkie, giant lemon jellies……who wouldn’t be nervous.

‘Ok, I think she’s ok, but we’ll give her some drops for fleas and a worm tablet. Maybe check her out again if she has any further problems’



‘Good girl Spikey……yaaeeeeesssss’

Yeeuuch, wet stuff on my neck, how horrible are you. Nope, nope you are not no way putting that in my mouth. Christ it’s like 50 shades of Tortoisshell and this is one Tortoiseshell who’s getting ou…..clumph….cluchk……krech…..gulp…….

Ok am back in the box…..catnip, catnip, catnip!

‘Ok, she’ll be fine. I’ll see you again……’

We are OUT OF THE ROOM……….I am so sticking my tongue out at those dogs…..’so long suckers……wait until you see what happens in there…….ha ha ha ha HAH!

Oh oh, back to the blue dragon…….here we go again, stop, start, roar, more roaring, flashing lights…..I’m going to sleep……

…….well that was nice……..a nice snoozy woozy snooze….where are we…….BACK HOME……WE’RE BACK HOME…….I can see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom, for me and for you, and I think to myself, what a wonderful world……………oh yeah πŸ˜€

‘Spike and the Trip to the Vet’ was brought to you by @qosfc1919 on Twitter and the and Dodo Productions Β© 2014 😏



From → Comedy

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